You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
