If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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