He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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