woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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