yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
