dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
