I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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