Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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