My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
