Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
