oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
