I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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