omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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