im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This is classic penis vs brain.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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