I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
