I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I lost the right to judge tonight
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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