My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
sex in a hospital.. check
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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