Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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