I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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