You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
