I want to have your abortion
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
