I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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