Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
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Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
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Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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