dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
