my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
