Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
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