If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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