So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
