I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
