No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
