i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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