The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
