woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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