I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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