Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
