Your dad touched me again.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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