OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
