I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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