brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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