there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
