i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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