saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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