I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
