Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
