at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
