I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize