so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
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We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
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At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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