In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
