I'm lost and stupid without you.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize
