Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
