you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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