and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
