That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
