Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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