i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
