Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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