Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
