My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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