I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
