I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Randomize
