You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I take back everything I said about communal showers
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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