You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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