The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
wow bdsm is so cute
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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