just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
