i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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