something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
