Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
