This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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