I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize