Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
