She said her name was "party"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
