note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
