I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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