the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
