the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
