nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
