I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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